Are There Ever Reasons Not To Have Sex?

The other day, my twitbud Chad linked me to an article on ChaCha.com called 7 Reasons Not to Have Sex. I clicked thinking it was someone advocating for abstinence, or maybe asexuality. Instead, what I found was more false information about sex and hygiene. The Internet is good for that.

For example, “can't see the forest through the trees.” In other words, if you haven't shaved your lady bits, you better keep those trousers on, girl! Nobody likes that shit! You're a scumbag, and you shouldn't be forcing some unsuspecting man to have to weed through the pubic hair the universe gave you to get to your vag. What's wrong with you?!

Seriously? In a time when porn featuring fuzzy pussied, pitted and legged women is just as popular as a fresh Brazilian, we're still trying to tell women how to wear their pubes? How very PC of us.

The author's four main reasons for preferring women shave are (all words in the following list, including the parenthesis, are the author's, not mine):

• · heavier odors than clean-shaven counterparts
• · stray or loose hairs that get stuck in the mouth (ew)
• · unpleasant friction that can cause “burns” or irritation
• · toilet paper or lint fuzz remnants that stick to the area. (Again, ew.)

I think the issue, here, is not female pubic hair, but the author's experience with female hygiene.

I don't know if you've noticed but pussy's not the only thing with a smell. It works both ways. Men produce pheromones, too, and they sweat, and they pee, and...

Yes, pubic hair holds odor. It's supposed to. Our sexy bits produce pheromones that we use to attract our lovers to us. The pheromones say, “Hey, I'm randy. Wanna get it on?” And our lover's nose goes, “Hey, they're randy. Let's get it on!”

There's nothing in this world that smells better than an aroused human being to this trained nose. So if you or your partner are shaving it off to avoid odors, you're doing yourselves a disservice. Shower regularly, and after a hot day, hard work, or working out. Beyond that, trust me when I say your private parts will take care of themselves.

Stray hairs...really? Give me a break. Of all the things to be skeeved out by. I know a couple people with serious stray-hair phobias, but if a pubic hair is the most disgusting thing you get in your mouth in your life time, consider yourself lucky. Honestly, though? If it's clean enough to have your face down there, it's clean enough fish a pube out of your teeth. Deal.

Find yourself a lint free toilet paper, and check yourself before you leave the restroom. You've gotta wash your hands, anyway, right? And rashes happen. It's just a fact of life.

The author says you should also turn down sex if you're “having a fat day” so you don't make your partner feel uncomfortable, or think you're always uncomfortable in bed. F' that. Sex with the right partner is an instant self esteem boost.

When you're that close to someone, you can't help but notice how much your body turns them on – regardless their gender. Our bodies have ways of showing it. A man's penis and sometimes nipples harden, and his muscles tighten. Some men “get wet” with precum. A woman gets wet and her vaginal opening elongates. Her breasts tighten and sometimes get larger, and her nipples and clitoris harden. You'd be better off having the sex. You'll feel hella sexy after.

I'm with them on condoms, and the sheets thing, and gassy sex is iffy, but no sex when you've got house guests? Why? Because no one else has sex? Because everyone else is completely daft, and they don't know YOU'RE having sex? Because something as natural as putting a penis into a vagina is a bad thing? Come ON! Lock the door, turn the radio on, shut your mouth, and get your groove on. Brush your hair and tuck in your shirt before you leave the room.

And if you do get caught? SO WHAT?! You're an adult, and adults have sex.

Honestly, there is only one reason in the world not to have sex, I think. And I'm too much of a lady to talk about it.

If you believe that, I've got oceanfront property in Arizona for sale.