The Real Reason Free Beer Wasn’t In Studio…Again

Hi Idiots.

Today's show was once again captained by the one and only Kelly Cheese because our fearless leader, Free Beer, was not in the studio for the second time in three shows. He missed the show last Friday because he had to "fly out early to avoid a hurricane", which is honestly the WORST excuse I've ever heard and today he's allegedly on a field trip with his sons.

However, we already discussed the REAL reason he wasn't there was because of his quest to find the Consecrated Cookie Jar of Camelot as we detailed in a post on Friday. Now, we have an update on his journey and why he was once again missing from the studio today. The Cookie Jar was only the beginning.

After Free Beer's journey through the jungle and a battle with a very territorial sloth, he finally found the location of the Consecrated Cookie Jar of Camelot. However, to his dismay, the cookie jar was shattered to a million pieces. When all hope seemed lost, using his superior intellect, he learned via drawings on the cave walls that the cookie jar had a twin located in the deserts of Egypt. 

READ MORE: The Real Reason Free Beer Wasn't On Today's Show |

After returning empty-handed, FB informed us all that he was suddenly taking a "field trip to the State capital" on Tuesday with his boys. Then today, he sent us THIS captioned "having a great time!" like we wouldn't suspect anything. Didn't realize we had a whole desert in Lansing, Michigan, but ok sure pal.

He told us he'd be back tomorrow and have an "incredible story", so whether or not that means he found what he was looking for we're not sure. But at the very least, we hope he wore sunscreen.