What’s Wrong With New Jersey?
The Free Beer & Hot Wings Morning Show is live from New Jersey today, where people hide under old girlfriends' beds for three days. So what is wrong with New Jersey?
First, here is that fun little story from New Jersey about a man and a bed.
America, we make fun of New Jersey like it's our jobs. I am a comedian so I make fun of New Jersey because it is my job, but sometimes I don't know why it's so acceptable to make fun of the Garden State.
I am not sure what is wrong with New Jersey, if you ask me Florida should be America's punchline.
So what's wrong with New Jersey?
They call marinara sauce, gravy. It is not.
Bon Jovi is from New Jersey and they love him so much that they want to eat his dad's gravy.
Yet Bon Jovi tried to move the Buffalo Bills to Toronto. Haven't we gotten rid of enough Buffalo in America?
And ever find it kind of weird that Bon Jovi did music for "Young Guns 2?" What does a guy from New Jersey know about being a cowboy?
He does not even know the difference between marinara and gravy.
People seem to have the misconception, that the New Jersey Devils are a good hockey team.
LET'S GO WINGS!
New Jersey does not have an NFL team, they have to share with New York. They could not even have their own XFL team, they had to share with New York.
With all the possible locations for a stadium in New York, they keep putting two of the three New York teams in New Jersey.
Maybe that is why Bon Jovi wanted to move the Buffalo Bills to Toronto. He did not want for New York to have its own team.
So does that make people from New Jersey a bunch of people who are jealous of New York?
This is not New Jersey's fault, not all of the cast of "Jersey Shore" are actually from New Jersey.
But no one did anything to stop this from happening for six seasons. Now if you tell someone who is not from the Jersey shore that you are from the Jersey shore, they will think that this is what you are.
So in other words, people from New Jersey have no problem being associated with a bunch of tanned mutants who think that life begins in the gym and ends with laundry.
You let this happen New Jersey.
Apparently, New Jersey prides itself on confusing roads that are not always available, and that you constantly have to pay for and if you don't then you have to back out of a toll booth.
Then you can't leave.
People from New Jersey are usually self-entitled. They refer to themselves as "The Boss" or a "Queen."
Some of them overstay their welcome and hoard all the good roles in movies and Oscar wins.
They talk funny and dress weird, but they seem to think that everyone else talks funny and dresses weird.
Where are all the gardens?
When someone mentions New Jersey, the first things to come to mind are the Jersey shore and the boardwalk. No one is going to New Jersey to see a garden.
How many people have lost their lives, their money, parents, husbands, wives, keys, lunch and souls to Atlantic City?
I've lost time in Atlantic City.
My mother's family hobby was and still is gambling and if we ever went on a trip or vacation south of New York, we would end up in Atlantic City.
New Jersey celebrates it's history of corruption, murder, organized crime and prostitution.