When You Have to Work on Presidents Day.
Today America celebrates Washington's birthday, or is it Lincoln's birthday? That is why it's President's Day, It's a federal holiday so government and state offices are closed, schools are closed, banks are closed but there are plenty of sales.
Presidents Day is boring, how do we make it exciting?
Here are a few ideas:
Cherry Tree Chopping:
Have a Cherry Tree Chopping competition, some of these stores can hold Cherry Tree Chopping competitions and the winner gets the biggest sale. Unfortunately due to all of the riots that happen on Black Friday I don't think it would be a good idea to give American Consumers axes.
Door to Door Executive Order:
It's pretty much Trick or Treating but the kids dress up like Presidents and instead of saying "Trick or Treat" they say "Executive Order."
All day, to everyone. If someone tries to call you out on your lie, dodge answering that question by wising them a: Happy President's Day!
Appoint Yourself a Vice:
Appoint someone your Vice President and make them do all of your daily chores, or make them go to work for you and if your employer will not accept your Vice then ask them: Why do you hate America?
Be like Bill:
Have your girlfriend get under your desk, if you have a desk, but you can't make your wife get under the desk Bill did not do that, but if your wife brings home balloons, play with them like you're 5.
The Bush Experience:
Get drunk and vomit on a foreigner but you have to wear a cowboy hat when you do it, you have to wear a cowboy hat.
Buy something in front of someone you know to be less fortunate then you and throw your change at them while saying: "What do we need all of these trees for?"
That is all that I have for now, I was going to suggest a "Reenact the Kennedy Assassination" but I thought it was in poor taste, on the contrary why don't they do that?