All of this talk about the legalization of marijuana in New York makes me wonder what it be like if marijuana were legal in the Capital District.

First of all, fast food restaurants will become tailgate party spots so those Sonics got here just in time. The Loudon Rd/155 intersection in Latham will be like paradise for marijuana users: tacos, pastries, burgers, fresh produce and strippers all right next to one another.

People will get lost in the museum and think that they have traveled back in time, they may actually try to live there, I call the long house exhibit.

People will sit inside of the egg and refuse to leave until they hatch.

Troy will no longer feel dirty and Schenectady will feel less shady but Delmar will still be creepy, but in a cute way. 

People will forget the way things used to be and stop complaining that they're different now.

If marijuana were legal in the Capital District, state workers will take longer breaks while they're working. Nothing will get done and all of the food trucks parked at the plaza will run out of food. On the bright side, there will be more outdoor meetings.

The DMV will be worse than before, but no one will realize it because everyone will be too high. No one will be able to remember how long they have been waiting in line or what they came there for, but one thing is for sure: Everyone is going to be laughing in the drivers license photo.

We have mall walkers and mall rats, but if marijuana were legal in the Capital Region we will have mall zombies. A bunch of stoned people wandering through the mall with absolutely no idea what they came there for, completely ignoring the people handing out free samples telling them that they can only take one.

They won’t buy anything, they will just look at window displays as they decide where to go to eat after they visit the arcade before they go to the movies.

As for the movie theaters themselves, they will run out of popcorn and stoned movie goers will always stay seated during the ending credits no matter what movie it is.

Tulip Fest would be fun if marijuana were legal in the Capital Region because you will be able to get a contact high just by walking through the park. The best part is that finally people will care about the tulips and in fact some people won’t be able to stop staring at them.

People will live at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center during the summer if marijuana were legal in the Capital Region, and in the fall the entire state of New York will run out of apples.

If marijuana were legal in the Capital Region the police won’t have to waste their time hunting down harmless potheads who are terrified of them to begin with. The Police will be able to focus on dangerous criminals with dangerous drugs.

This all sounds like a warm and cozy dream that can come true if marijuana were legal in the Capital Region. Unfortunately, this is the Capital Region and even if marijuana were legal we would find a way to screw it up.