As if you did not hear about this by now, NASA has discovered 7 Earth-like planets orbiting a star 39 light years away and I've got a plan.

NASA Telescope Reveals Seven Earth-sized Planets Around Single Star
NASA via Getty Images

Here is the plan:

We must find the cast from the 1986 movie Space Camp.

Except for Tate Donovan because something about his face annoys me.

Fun Fact: The kid in is Joaquin Phoenix.

Anyway, we find the cast from Space Camp and we go to NASA, the people at NASA will be so starstruck that they will let us reenact the accidental launch scene from Space Camp.

Lea Thompson will pilot the rocket because that is what she did in the movie and she knows Howard the Duck so she is used to this kind of thing. I don't know how long we should keep Kate Capshaw around for because she really annoys me in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

Unfortunately, we may have to leave Kelly Preston out of this or else John Travolta will either come after us or want to come along. We want to leave Scientology on Earth because we are going out to the Trappist 1 system to start a new world, but we are going to call the entire planet America.

America the planet will be a lot like America the continent but with more cheeseburgers and nachos and less politics.

We will have one Football team: The Detroit Lions and they will win the Super Bowl every year.

There will be no such thing as race because we will all be Americans and because it will be a new world on a new planet we will not care what gender you identify as and if anyone wants to dispute these two rules then they get sent back to Earth with Kelly Preston, Kate Capshaw, and John Travolta.


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