A Zombie Apocalypse Is Coming Out Of Florida!
I repeat! A Zombie Apocalypse is upon us The Free Beer & Hot Wings Morning Show just told us about a "Zombie Cat" A cat that was hit by a car and pronounced dead, then buried, returned to its owners door five days later. Here is the story off of FreeBeerAndHotWings.com where you can sign up to be a VIP member.
I have been saying for years that Florida will be the end of America and now it looks like I am not so crazy after all!
This Zombie Cat showed up five days later after being hit by a car looking for food, I think it wanted liver, human liver to go with the brains!
Here is the plan; Get the woman and children to Super Walmart and start building the barricades around it. We are going to have to dig a moat around it so we can fill it with gasoline and any other type of flammable stuff.
Why Super Walmart? Because it has everything you need to survive a Zombie Apocalypse. Food, Water, Soil, Clothes, Seeds, Growing Lamps, Wrestling DVDs, VIdeo Games, Nacho Cheese, Guns, Ammo, Knives. Why are we not afraid of Walmart?
That is not important, the point is we have a limited amount of time to prepare for this.
I want one of the plows that they use on corn fields, I don't know why you never see someone using one of these in a Zombie movie. They have one in "The Crazies" but that is technically not a Zombie movie.
There is no time for a debate, once Bart the Zombie Cat bites his owner, they will turn into a Zombie and head for Disney World. Florida is also the new "Porn Capital of the World."
We are going to have to deal with Zombie porn stars and Disney characters. Not to mention all the old folks in the retirement communities, but we really don't have to worry about them because they will all be moving really slow. The Porn Stars may come at us really fast though.
Maybe we can just cut Florida off?
We need to act now! So Women and Children to Walmart. Or Women who can not, or will not kill Zombies to Walmart. Then again some men are probably useless in a Zombie Apocalypse, like Tom Brady. What is he going to go? throw deflated balls at the Zombies?
Zombie killers, come with me and my Zombie Plow. None Zombie killers to Walmart.
We are not going to hide and try to wait it out like in every freaking Zombie movie you ever see. We are going to kill Zombies, and we are not going to stop killing Zombies until there are no more Zombies.
Why don't they ever do that in Zombie movies anyway?
We can not afford to make the same mistake, because the Detroit Lions are going to win the Super Bowl next year.
So one more time. None Zombie Killers to Walmart. Zombie Killers come with me and my Zombie Plow. You can get your own Zombie Plow to if you want, or how about a tank?
Now that I think of it, how fast can a Zombie outbreak from Florida even spread? They can't even count down there. Maybe the Zombies will get confused and walk into the Gulf of Mexico.
No more blogging America, it is time for ACTION!!!!