Icicles

Icicles look cool but they are very dangerous because they can fall on you, your car, or your dog. Or, they can get too heavy and rip chunks of your house off and the chunks can fall on you, your car, or your dog, but they still look cool.

Why are icicles so dangerous?

Because they are Russian spies. It's cold in Russia and they have a lot of icicles, so icicles must be from Russia. I know that icicles are not people, but what if the Russians put microchips or something in the clouds and programed them to fall to the earth with the snow over America?

Now who sounds crazy?

Another theory is that icicles are possessed with the spirit of Rasputin.

Rasputin did not die because he is a wizard and it would be silly to think that there is only one Russian wizard. In fact, I have proof!

This is Pavel Datsyuk, a Russian hockey player. His nickname: The Magician! He even plays "ice" hockey.

When I came to this conclusion I thought to myself, "I better call the President."

Then I found out that the President already called Russia a while ago and he never got off the phone with them.

In conclusion: there must be icicles hanging from the White House and they probably look cool.