Finally an invention that ties my love for eating cannolis and my love for surgically pumping those same cannolis out of my belly button.

I feel like a complete fool after seeing this invention. You mean to tell me I have been wasting the last 15 years of my life working out like a sucker when I could have been using this brilliant Aspire Aspiration Pump? What a schmuck I have been. Never again will I lift a weight, jump on a box, or break a stupid bead of sweat.

As soon as I get this pump surgically implanted in my stomach you can call me the bio diesel hybrid human, because I’ll be chugging used vegetable oil by the gallons and pumping it straight out of my forever skinny belly button.