I knew that there was something off about the Grammys when I did not recognize the performing artist walking through the woods. I thought that the Grammys took place indoors. Then I saw Madonna, but did not know why she was trapped underneath some debris, then the man I thought was Kanye stabbed her in the back of the head. "Well that was a good opening." I said. 


The introduction to the Grammys left me confused, so I asked my wife.

"Is that Kanye or Jay Z?"

She shushed me.

So I continued to watch in silence, but what I saw was even more confusing. There was no stage or audience, just a group of people in a car. I admit I do not pay much attention to pop culture, so I would not know if I am looking at the people I hear about. I assumed that I was watching Kanye, Chris Brown, Rihanna, Psy and one of the guys from Duck Dynasty riding in a van on their way to the Grammys.

I don't know the names of any of the guys from Duck Dynasty so I said to my wife. "Why is Uncle Scrooge in the car with them?"

"Shut Up!" She shouted at me.

I thought that eventually the Grammys would start to make sense, but they parked the van they were driving in the woods. Then they looked into one of the cars and I think it was Lady Gaga, who could not figure out to open her door, and she just kind of hissed through the window at Uncle Scrooge and Psy.

Then they started walking through the woods and I kept asking myself, "Where is the red carpet? and where is all the music and fancy outfits and stuff." Rihanna looked like she had not showered in a week and she had a sword. In fact they were all had weapons on them, but it made sense because I herd that AC/DC was going to be there, and what if Kanye has to storm the stage?

Eventually they made it to the gates of the Grammys, but the gates were locked so they had to hop over the gates, but once they got in Chris Brown started crying and they kept calling him Noah. I accidentally spoke out loud and said "I thought his name was Chris."

"Stop it! I am trying to live tweet the show!" My wife shouted at me.

At this point I had to go and make my wife dinner, I was so confused about what was going on with the Grammys that I did not mind missing a little bit. When I came back Kanye was looking at some family photos on a wall. Then it dawned on me, they are picking up Kim, but then North West showed up out of nowhere and bit Kanye!

Chris Brown showed up out and pulled North off of Kanye and stabbed him in the face with a toy. Chris said he would go get help, then other celebrities finally started showing up, I think. But I did not recognize any one of them, even the guy with the eye patch. Then Kim showed up and tried to bite Kanye in the Face. I had enough at that point and decided to take a shower.

When I came back, the Grammys were finally underway, but it looked more like a Courtroom then the Staples Center and everyone was watching a video of the guys from One Direction cutting some guys head off.

After that, I just could not do it anymore. I herd that Beck won "Beat Album of the Year." I did not even know that Beck had a new album. I am still confused.