The Ultimate Relationship Gift Guide

There's just two weekends till Christmas, and you are in a relationship. I don't care how many times you talked about it, or how many times you agreed not to get each other something, you're both going to be disappointed if there's nothing from each other under the tree.

But you haven't been together that long, and neither of you have even made a list!

One Month Or Less

You know I got this, right?

First of all, you mean to tell me you couldn't wait a month to commit? I mean, wouldn't that have been easier? Getting a gift for someone you haven't been dating all that long is always so awkward!

Just do yourself a favor, okay? Don't buy them jewelry. Not even from Claire's. I don't care if you met standing outside the jewelry store staring at the perfect item for them. I don't care how good an idea you think it is. Save it for your one year anniversary. It'll mean more because you remembered. And you won't feel like a putz when your wallet's a few hundred dollars lighter and they drop you like a hot potato right before the ball drops on New Year's Eve.

I know you think it's a sweet gesture. I know you think it'll knock 'em dead. And it might. For a little while.

Let me tell you what will most likely happen, instead. You'll buy the item you both were staring at and give it to them. Sales person's ecstatic because they just made a quick buck on puppy love. Easier sale than an engagement ring after an argument about commitment problems.

You present them with your inspired gift, and it's awkward. They won't know what to say. They'll be embarrassed. More likely than not, they'll try to refuse.

If you make it through all that, you've just made gift-giving for the rest of your relationship a giant snowball of trying to outdo yourself that will end in naming a star after them and adopting a pink armadillo in their honor.

If you must get something, and a greeting card seems to small, go with a gift card to a store you know they like that doesn't specialize in lingerie or other adult items. Candy is always a great gift, but skip the lovey-dovey type. Grab a festive tin of M&Ms, or a bag of your favorite treat from a local candy store. Your favorite book, a plant, something unusual like one of those Bioglobes with the ecosystem inside, a flower are all great ideas at this time in your relationship.

Nothing overly expensive, and nothing they have to do more than water twice a week. That means no animals, gadgets, jewelry, cars, houses!

Six Months To A Year

Okay, okay. If you're bubbling over with the desire to buy jewelry, buy jewelry. I still say you should at least try to hold off until you're closer to a year, but M put a ring on my finger when we were together only four months, and no one has died, yet, so it can't be all bad. I mean obviously people died, just not because we got married quickly.

Get them that thing you guys were staring at in the window. If you were smart, you put it on hold that day, just in case. What? I didn't say don't plan for the future. I said don't get ahead of yourself.

Make a book of coupons that could lead to something sexy. Pick out some sexy underwear that gets your motor going. Take them to that show they really want to see. Plan a romantic night on the town. Have fun with it. And make sure they have fun.

In It For The Long Haul

You're on your own, friend. But don't worry. At this stage in your relationship, if you've handled your business, you already know your lover better than anyone else.

You could go back to the jewelry idea. Personally, though, unless they're expressly asking for jewelry, I say save it for a surprise, or a special occasion. Use the holidays to get them something special. Something that lets them know you were paying attention.

This could be anything. Gadgets, a stuffed animal, clothes, a sex toy, cologne or perfume, books, games, a vacation...the sky's the limit.

Well, okay. Your wallet's your limit. But I have faith in you. No matter how long you've been together, by the time you're finished, your partner will know how much thought went into the process.