What's the most absurd thing you've ever seen when you were on the bus? For most of us, that list includes things like people in ridiculous outfits, party goers vomiting in the aisle, or a fight over some dude who may or may not be present at the time. The most bizarre thing to ever happen to me on the bus was when a slightly strange gentleman handed me a raffle ticket and told me it was time for him to pass his luck on to someone else.

If you ever had the opportunity to take advantage of the New Jersey transit system before June 25th, you might have been even more lucky than me. Bus riders on that day, and the general public on the road around their bus, were treated to a bit of a show. One of New Jersey's bus drivers was caught by a passenger in a decidedly intimate moment with himself.

His name's George Simpson, and he's 41 years old. And apparently, that day, he just couldn't wait to get home to touch himself. So he yanked it out and went to town right there in traffic. And a passenger caught it all on camera.

Dude. By all means, take care of yourself on a regular basis. We're big, BIG fans of this. But why on Earth would you do this in the middle of traffic with a bunch of people within touching distance of you without first checking with these folks to see if a) they mind or b) they want to join in?

Once the vid was brought to the company's attention, Georgie-porgie was summarily dismissed without pay. And who can blame his employers? All sorts of bad things can come of someone masturbating while driving; not the least of which being a massive accident on the highway!

Here are a few places that it's okay to get caught masturbating...provided you're not blowing off your significant other for a quick romp with yourself, that is:·

  •  Your bedroom (your best option, from where we sit)
  •  Your bathroom (in the shower is best...especially if you're a lady with a massaging shower head)
  • Your dressing room (yes, celebrities masturbate)
  • Your living room (but please lay something down on the couch)
  • Your kitchen (just be sure to disinfect afterward!)
  • Your backyard (if you have a privacy fence and single-floor neighboring buildings)
  • Your car in a dark alley (unless the person who catches you is a cop)
  • Your pool or jacuzzi (shock it when you're done to kill any biological materials you leave behind)
  • Your tent on a camping trip (so long as all your fluids end up on your own bedding and not your neighbor's)